Thoughts on DOWNLOADING NANCY

I recently caught up with the highly disturbing film DOWNLOADING NANCY, and would love to say that it is a must watch, but for most it would be far too unpleasant a tale to gain anything from it. After all a story of a suburban housewife so deadened to the world that she wants a man she finds online to kill her isn't exactly inspiring fare. Especially as it's clear that she was damaged by years of sexual abuse that have left her barren. Perfect rearing for the non-physical abuse of her humorless, passionless marriage.

Yes, it's a dreary as it sounds, but it is oddly compelling too. Nancy has become a creature that only responds to extreme pain, and her mind wants to take things to their logical conclusion by soliciting her own murder. Of course, that isn't logical at all, which brings me to what the movie does better than any film I've seen. It exposes the difficulty inherent in dealing with a loved one who is depressed, maybe even suicidal.

In the movie it is clear that Nancy has not always been at the point of no return. There are moments of playfulness that she tries to create and explore, but years of having that instinct stamped down leads her to feel that she is worthless. Every positive instinct she has is perverted into a negative judgement by someone close to her. So she's been trained to consider herself worthless. Her therapist tries to get through to her, but a logical approach is hopeless in the case of someone this emotionally damaged. It's nice to believe that giving a much needed ear to someone who is hurting can save them from their darker thoughts, and I'm sure in many cases that helps. But it's important to realize that if someone has decided that suicide is the path that makes the most sense for them, almost always an illogical choice, you cannot use logic to dissuade them from it.

Nancy is loved, and has value in the film, she simply lacks the ability to recognize it. She thinks her only way out is death, and has worked herself into a psychological state that does not allow her to consider other options. If you know someone walking down this path, get them help. Get them aggressive help. Fuck social niceties. Those in this mindset are not psychologically competent to take care of themselves, and it's a disservice to them to act as though they are.

Again, big difference between talk of suicide and actual movement towards, but neither one is something you can afford to sweep under the rug.

What the movie really comes down to, though, is Nancy's lack of self-worth. It's clear that at many moments she could have been given support and her better instincts might not have become inexorably buried. So riffing off that, I would encourage everyone out there, become a fan of people.

Your loved ones, your friends, strangers on the street, they all have something important to them, close to their heart that they put themselves into. Support them. Ask them about it. When it's finished, eat it, or read it, or play with it, or marvel at it. Want to see the wold be a better, happier place? Learn to cheerlead. Be unabashedly enthusiastic about something for someone. Surprise them. Lift them up.

Sure it's best to find your happiness from within, with no need for the approval or adoration of others. But most of us aren't quite at that spiritual level. Most of us toil along wondering if the time we spend on our dream is wasted, if at the end of it all we're good enough. You can help keep a dream going for years with the simple act of appreciation.

So while DOWNLOADING NANCY is a rough ride, I found it to be rife with important lessons. Especially about how seriously wrong many of our instincts may be about helping a person who is truly suicidal.

But most importantly it reminded me of how important it is to simply

BE A FAN.

My Thoughts on the Saints Bounty Program Punishments

Out of respect for Amanda and I's 11th anniversary I put off commenting on the Saints Bounty punishment until today. It's still difficult for me to wrap my head around yet.

First, as to the on field danger it represented to other players, I think it's foolish and sanctimonious for anyone to act as though any team takes on a QB like Brady, Manning, Warner, Favre, Newton, or even Brees and doesn't have as a major portion of their strategy the goal to get to the QB early, hard, and to punish them. Take them out of the game if possible. I see a lot of people throwing stones in this glass house, and it's getting under my skin. If the Saints were not penalized for illegal hits, that falls on the officiating crews, but keep in mind that they were one of the least penalized teams in the league over that span. So the idea that their on field play was dirty or somehow more dangerous to other teams is bullshit and hyperbole. It's also hypocritical in the extreme.

Now, to the Bounty program itself, I see that as a more difficult issue. It does cross a line. Now I do not for a minute believe that teams like the Steelers, Ravens and Jaguars are without some form of rewards program for their defenses. And while Goodell may want to act like he's tough and uncompromising, I find it extremely suspect that none of Williams previous teams, teams where bounty programs also clearly existed, are getting any kind of comeuppance. The "lack of evidence" being touted simply smacks of convenience. The reality is that the league can weather, maybe even come out stronger for making an example of one team. But if they had to shine a light on all the dark, violent corners of the entire league it would screw up Goodell's clear intention to rebrand the NFL as family friendly entertainment. So yes, the Saints crossed a line, but so have most of the teams in the league. In this specific instance the sin was getting caught.

Which brings us to what I find the most troubling aspect of all of this. As is often the case, the crime pales in comparison to the cover up. At some point, fair or not, you gotta own up to your choices and take what comes. It's seems clear that the Saints had opportunities to shut down the bounty program and didn't. That they lied about its existence, and then tried to keep it from getting out. That is unacceptable and what I find most disappointing.

Now as to the punishment, particularly Payton's suspension without pay for a year, essentially a $7 million fine. I think it is miles beyond any previous punishment the league has ever levied. I think that the Saints, and Payton in particular are paying the bill for the heat Goodell caught for his limp response to Spygate, for the unpopularity of Goodell's "illegal" hit fines last season, and for Goodell trying to reconsolidate power after the strain of the lockout last year. I believe that Goodell's interest here is not player safety, but protecting an NFL that he is trying to rebrand as a wholesome, Disney World worthy sport. I think he's a hypocrite that will happily punish those he sees fit, while taking it easy on others to satisfy his own personal goals without regard to consistency or fairness.

But despite all that, I still think the punishment is warranted. Because to me the Saints represent a higher standard. They represent a team that is indistinguishable from the city it represents. New Orleans and the Saints share a heartbeat. They share a story of trial and strength, recovery from very dark places. To me the Saints are an inspiration, they are heroes. And I do not require my heroes to be perfect, but I do require them to answer for their actions.

Payton was wrong. The Saints were wrong. The bounty program was wrong. The fact that the rest of the league and all the analysts may be giant hypocrites right now doesn't matter. We're better than that. We will come back stronger for that.

I love my Saints and all that they stand for, mistakes and all. We will take the punishment, we will take the scorn, and we will soldier on - as fans, as a franchise, as people. Because that's what the Saints are really about.

Who Dat?

PS - Somebody please shut down Morstead's twitter account.

Left to Right (A liberal argues for Republican policies): Intro

While I don’t enjoy the baggage that comes with the term, it would be difficult for me to argue that my political perspective is anything short of liberal. The Democratic Party does an excellent job of frustrating me to no end, but I am almost always in their corner when it comes to policy. That said, I think the US is currently in a political crisis driven by a lack of balance. Right now the Republican Party, a party with a rich history, is more or less destroying itself as a political entity as it morphs into a Right-Wing Christian Evangelical proponent of Theocracy.

There was a time when the rise of Rick Santorum and Michelle Bachmann would have been seen as the simple entertaining sideshow that Al Sharpton and Ralph Nader provided for the Left. But instead of being viewed as passionate zealots who inform, but should never be given the keys to, the national debate, they are somehow being viewed as legitimate, intelligent choices for the highest office in the land.

I really think this is bad for the Republican Party, which in turn is bad for the country. Because we are meant to be a two party system. Checks and balances is the concept that drives the whole idea behind American politics. But right now no one is rising up to handle the Republican responsibility for intelligent, logical arguments in favor of their policies. There seems to be a scorched earth wasteland from which no William F Buckley’s or George Will’s are walking out. It’s as though the Right has decided that they cannot win on merit, so they will instead manipulate the Bible to make arguments that, since they are faith based, cannot be refuted because true believers cannot be argued out of a belief.

This is why religion is such a dangerous poison to well constructed government. No matter what the faith. And even worse, it is unnecessary. Because despite the fact that I disagree with many of the policy perspectives of the Republican Party, I do believe there are legitimate arguments to be made in favor of them. Logical, well thought out, reasonable arguments.

So, in the interests of the balance I believe to be crucial to the health of our country, I’m going to tackle a series of essays where I make the case for the fiscal and social perspectives of the Republican party. I will do so without bringing God, or the Bible, or religion in general, into the discussion. Because the small but vocal minority of Right Wing zealots who shout down anyone who shows even a hint of common sense or diplomacy should never be allowed to dictate the destiny of a proud political party, not to mention the country in general.