Support

I've seen so many relationships over the course of my years here - good ones, bad ones, blah, blah, blah. And nobody ever really seems to have a good insight into what makes a relationship work.

Sure they say it's communication, but people are constantly communicating these days and aren't really saying anything most of the time. So it's more about quality. But what is that quality that needs striving for.

Should we communicate our needs, our wants, our desires? Or should it be about full disclosure. Telling the other person every little thing they do that drives you nuts. Expressing honestly how you feel about the years effect on their appearance, or habits, hobbies or outlook?

I don't think it's any of that. They are all surface indicators of deeper stuff.

Support is the key it appears to me. And most of us suck at it.

When your partner feels supported by you they also feel loved, they feel your attraction, you presence, your commitment. When that feeling of support is absent then all kinds of things become potential problems. And most of us that are in relationships we like being in make an honest effort to support our S.O.

So why do we suck at it so bad? Why do so many people feel like the one person who should most care about them doesn't have their back when it comes to life goals, dreams, etc?

Largely because we try to give the support that WE want, instead of the support that our S.O. wants. You basically have two people trying to give each other the gift that they want to receive instead of the gift the other person wants. Which of course can lead to bitterness that the love of our life (or whatever) isn't giving us what we need.

Especially if there's no recognition that they are trying.

So what to do if you're having issues in a relationship (that isn't fundamentally flawed of course) may simply be to pay attention to what your partner does for you and realize that is what they want to receive from you.

If they aren't doing anything for you then it's maybe not such a good relationship to be in. Just saying.

So hopefully this'll help some of you who seem to be in a constant state of flux regarding the state of your relationships. And if not, well I've been sick for close to two weeks and am still a little weak, so I'll have something better for ya next time :-)

And no, if you're wondering, I'm not much better at this than anyone else.